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I Hate Cigarettes

...because apparently it is illegal to put out other people's cigarettes with urine so I plan on inventing a perfume made out of synthetic ingredients that smells like cat piss so that I could add it to the water inside my Super Soaker water gun instead.

I watched my father slowly die a painful death from lung cancer caused by smoking cigarettes and I am allergic to cigarette smoke. I just got out of the hospital after breaking 3 ribs and had barely gotten over bronchitis. I live in a smoke-free community, but a lot of people here ignore this policy. A few nights ago I just wanted to relax in the hot tub with my husband and young child who we were baby sitting when a large group of people were all smoking a few feet away from us. I asked them to put out their cigarettes, because this is a non-smoking community. Then one woman started yelling at me and refused. Her friend called her by name "Shay" (because they were high and dumb), so I asked her how to spell that since I'm a narc. I told her that I was at high risk for getting pnumonia with my newly broken ribs. Then she said she could do CPR because she has paddles in her car. I told her that you can't do CPR on people with broken ribs (or osteoporosis). It's shocking that someone who works in the h